Thursday, July 29
Dear friend,
The air is thick and warm and we’re out in the tomatoes. Past 8 p.m. and still light out, with birdsong filtering down from the firs, the yard is peaceful, but I feel overwhelmed. I stare at the tangle of vines in front of me, trying to decide where to start.
The tomatoes should have been pruned weeks ago— months! It feels like we blinked and summer is more than halfway over. Meanwhile, the tomatoes bent their flimsy supports in half and kept growing, so I’m here with my red Felcos— the ones given to me as a farm intern 12 years ago—staring at the vines and hesitating. Down the row, I can hear Lyle working, armed with the shiny Felcos I bought him for his birthday.
I take a breath and start snipping. Branch by branch, I prune away excess foliage and pinch off suckers, until a new shape starts to appear. By the time we finish, our hands are caked in green, the wheelbarrow is full of trimmings, and the row of vines looks a little more purposeful. Green tomatoes of every size and shape— pear, cherry, roma— are visible between the leaves. By doing this, we hope our plants will be able to put their energy into growing and ripening the summer fruit our family loves.
Maybe next year we’ll remember to build stronger supports. Maybe next year we’ll remember to start pruning early, making it a regular part of our rhythm to walk down the row together and pinch off what isn’t needed before it takes over.
Can you see where I’m going with this? Does this sound like August to you, or maybe, more specifically, like August after 18 months of pandemic living? September is on the horizon with its invitation to renew and begin again, while August beckons with an opportunity to rest, take a breath, and reflect. What isn’t needed? What wants more focus?
This summer more than ever, I’ve been aware of my tendency to take on too much and let the excess take over, crowding out the fruit I’m trying to grow. I’ve been practicing saying a holy no to extras, so that my yes can come forward, growing more visible. Sometimes it’s awkward: I really want to get involved with my local chapter of Moms Demand Action, for example, and recently I responded enthusiastically to an invitation to join a team— only to have to backtrack when I sat down to do the math. Sometimes it’s hard, like coming to terms with and letting go of a relationship that hasn’t been healthy for some time. The pruning extends to our monthly budget, where lately we’ve been saying no to a lot of good things we enjoy— like supporting nonprofits, giving gifts, and buying plants— so that we can honor what we’ve already said yes to.
At the end of August, I’ll start my clinical internship and second year with POCA Tech. I’m so excited to put some of what I’ve been learning into practice. I’m humbled by the privilege to get to do this work, something made possible by many years of hard work on the part of others. I want to honor the community where I have experienced deep healing, and where I hope to play a role in others’ healing, and so I’m paring down my commitments as I return to school full-time.
What about you? What do you plan to do— or not do—in August, or at the start of the school year? How will you rest?
For the month of August, I’ll be signing off from social media, keeping my phone in a drawer, and checking email less frequently, so that I can practice a little bit of sacred rest with my family before the school year begins.
This newsletter is a short one. I don’t have any new writing to share, but I did want to share this little printable. It’s a Sunday Check-in sheet I made for me and Lyle to use at the start of each week. With three little ones at home, it can be all too easy for our downtime conversations to revolve mostly around kids, to-dos, and logistics. This simple ritual has been helping us stay connected as a couple to what’s going on in the other person’s world. What I like about this is that it focuses each of us on our top priorities and keeps us accountable to each other, and it helps us put self-care and our relationship higher on the priority list.
If you want to try it with your partner, print this document and cut it down the middle. Give each person one sheet, and spend about five minutes reflecting and writing on your own before you take turns asking and answering the questions. Maybe you’ll adapt it for use with a trusted friend or accountability buddy. Let me know if you try it out!
However you spend your last month of summer, I hope it’s restful. I’ll see you back in your inbox in September.
Love,
Melissa
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Photo by Sophie Dale on Unsplash